Hannah Montana made Miley Cyrus a star - well, to be more accurate it was Hannah Montana, constant implied teenage nudity and a creepy dad.
But for now let’s just assume that Hannah Montana made Miley Cyrus famous. It was a great set-up - Disney got hundreds of millions of dollars and Miley Cyrus got to be brought up surrounded by people all too scared to ever disagree with her, giving her dangerously false expectations for the rest of her life - but there may be trouble on the horizon.
Rumour has it that Miley Cyrus feels she’s got too big for Hannah Montana and is trying to get fired from the show. However, Disney has shot down these reports and has promised all the young fans that Miley Cyrus will remain on Hannah Montana forever. Nice try, Miley. Don’t you know that the only way to leave a creatively stifling kid’s TV show is to get pregnant? Did Jamie Lynn Spears teach you nothing?
We get the feeling that Miley Cyrus is trying to grow up and shed her teenybop image at the moment. It might not be obviously apparent, but it’s true - we’ve managed to pick up hints by observing the way that Miley Cyrus keeps taking off all her clothes, has snared herself a 20-year-old underwear model boyfriend and has curiously developed a voice that sounds like Dr Claw from Inspector Gadget.
And quite right too - just because Miley Cyrus is three years away from being able to vote or have sex and six years away from being able to drink and still lives with her parents and isn’t even allowed to go and see Tropic Thunder by herself yet, it doesn’t mean she’s a child.
But there’s one thing standing between Miley Cyrus and her dreams of maturity, and that’s her show Hannah Montana. Hannah Montana is a sensation - it has spawned a movie, sold-out tours, ten CDs, four DVDs, five videogames and 20 novelisations in two years - but it appears that Miley Cyrus might be getting a little bit sick of it holding her back.
Reports this week suggested that Miley Cyrus was going all-out to get the sack from Hannah Montana, by turning up to work late, holding up filming wherever possible and generally infuriating everyone she works with. However, leaving aside the fact that Hannah Montana makes so much money that Miley Cyrus could probably stroll into work clutching the severed head of Nelson Mandela and not get fired for it, Disney and Miley have rushed out statements to deny these reports outright. According to Reuters:
Patti McTeague, a Disney spokeswoman for the “Hannah Montana” show, told Reuters that reports of on-set turmoil were “absolutely not true, pure gossip.” “I am fully committed to ‘Hannah Montana,’” Cyrus told People, “It’s what gave me this amazing opportunity to reach out to so many people.”
Look, everyone, this united front act is nice and all, but you can drop it. If Miley Cyrus wants to leave Hannah Montana, let her.
And so what if Miley’s attempts to become a proper grown-up entertainer leave her twisting in the wind like a modern-day Dustin Diamond because she never realised that people only liked her for being in Hannah Montana? It’s not as if Miley doesn’t have other career options - we’re sure she’ll make a bucketload of money from the tragic, embittered ‘Dad, you stole my childhood’ autobiography that she’ll inevitably write before the age of 25, for example.
And Disney should think of the benefits of Miley Cyrus leaving Hannah Montana too - with her gone, it’ll be free to start up a brand new cacky kid’s sitcom with a younger, cheaper teenage star who’ll quickly get corrupted by fame and end up having bizarre opinions of herself that are far above her station as well. It’s not the end of the world by any means.
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